Naming Names

I was flipping through the channels a few days ago when I came across a station that shows real crime stories. They were showing a program about a drug dealer in California who kidnapped and murdered a former friend and "business associate" because of a $1,200 debt. The murderer's name was Jesse James Hollywood.

Now, some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths, and others with two strikes against them (sorry for the cliches to my writing friends). But why the heck would any parent with half a functioning brain start their kid off in life by hanging a name like that on him? He was born in 1980, so the parents obviously knew the original Jesse James's reputation. What kind of future did they hope their son was going to have? Accountant? CEO of Apple? His fate and career path were pretty much sealed when his name was put on his birth certificate. I can only imagine the look on the clerk's face at the Vital Statistics office when he was filling out the forms. They may as well have named him Adolf Hitler Hollywood!

Oh, wait. Some morons in New Jersey did exactly that. The self-proclaimed Nazis made headlines in January 2009 when a store refused to decorate a birthday cake for their then three-year-old son, Adolf Hitler Campbell. During the court battle stories of abuse emerged and young Adolf, along with his siblings JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, were taken into state custody.

It's bad enough when people on the fringes of society display a total lack of sense when naming their kids, but they're not alone. The unfortunately named Ima Hogg was the daughter of James Hogg, who was an Attorney General and a Governor of Texas in the 1880s and 1890s. The family became wealthy as a result of oil found on their property and Ima was a philanthropist the rest of her life. Unsurprisingly, to me at least, Ima never married. I can only imagine the introductions at society balls in Austin.

A gentleman approaches.
"Hello, miss. I'm Reginald Throckmorton III." He bows slightly.
"Hello, sir." She extends her hand. "Ima Hogg."
End of conversation.

I wonder how many times that happened. It could have been worse. Just think if blues musician John Lee Hooker decided to give his daughter the same name!

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