Saturday, September 29, 2012

Naming Names

I was flipping through the channels a few days ago when I came across a station that shows real crime stories. They were showing a program about a drug dealer in California who kidnapped and murdered a former friend and "business associate" because of a $1,200 debt. The murderer's name was Jesse James Hollywood.

Now, some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths, and others with two strikes against them (sorry for the cliches to my writing friends). But why the heck would any parent with half a functioning brain start their kid off in life by hanging a name like that on him? He was born in 1980, so the parents obviously knew the original Jesse James's reputation. What kind of future did they hope their son was going to have? Accountant? CEO of Apple? His fate and career path were pretty much sealed when his name was put on his birth certificate. I can only imagine the look on the clerk's face at the Vital Statistics office when he was filling out the forms. They may as well have named him Adolf Hitler Hollywood!

Oh, wait. Some morons in New Jersey did exactly that. The self-proclaimed Nazis made headlines in January 2009 when a store refused to decorate a birthday cake for their then three-year-old son, Adolf Hitler Campbell. During the court battle stories of abuse emerged and young Adolf, along with his siblings JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, were taken into state custody.

It's bad enough when people on the fringes of society display a total lack of sense when naming their kids, but they're not alone. The unfortunately named Ima Hogg was the daughter of James Hogg, who was an Attorney General and a Governor of Texas in the 1880s and 1890s. The family became wealthy as a result of oil found on their property and Ima was a philanthropist the rest of her life. Unsurprisingly, to me at least, Ima never married. I can only imagine the introductions at society balls in Austin.

A gentleman approaches.
"Hello, miss. I'm Reginald Throckmorton III." He bows slightly.
"Hello, sir." She extends her hand. "Ima Hogg."
End of conversation.

I wonder how many times that happened. It could have been worse. Just think if blues musician John Lee Hooker decided to give his daughter the same name!

Don't forget the book giveaway when I reach 100 followers. It's very close, so if you're not already following this blog through Google or Networked Blogs, now is the time. You will need to be a follower to participate and win. I'll ask three simple questions whose answers can be found in the blog entries. The first follower to give the correct answers will receive their choice of autographed book.

22 comments:

  1. So true! I never have understood why people do that. You'd think they would want to give their child every advantage...

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    1. Camel, I had a bass player in my band back in the 60s name Justin Case. I was if he was name by accident. GH

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    2. Ruth, you should see some of the ones I didn't use! Most of them lessons to not name your son Richard!

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  2. It's often humorously suggested that parenting should require licensure. But if the unlicensed parents choose a lousy name, the offspring should consider changing it!

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    1. Steve, thanks for dropping by, and good to be back in touch with you. I hope you check in regularly.

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  3. Thank goodness Ben and Melanie didn't make your list! :)

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  4. "A boy names Sue" by Johnny Cash comes to mind. I enjoyed you blog Camels.

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    1. Thanks, Al! Your three comments may have inspired my next blog!

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  6. Thanks for the laugh. Cliches pardoned. When asked by a teacher how the parent chose the name for her child, the parent said, "I seen it on the doctor's paper and I liked it. "Preg-Nancy" it sounded pretty."
    G

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    1. Glad you liked the post, Gini! Wonder if she was called Preg or Nancy by her friends!!

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  7. As always, a thought-provoking post John! I thought of Johnny Cash's Sue as well. Now I can't get the damn song out of my head! MY NAME IS SUE. HOW DO YOU DO? Argghhh!

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    1. Glad you liked the post, Mary. Thanks! Now the song's in my head, too!!

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  8. How about "Hudson River" ? He lives in Nevada and can NEVER visit N.Y.
    One of more than I want to be able to recall

    Linda P.

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    1. Thanks, Linda. I didn't know about Hudson River. I found a few other names that I chose not to use, most based on the nickname for Richard, and some on other parts of the anatomy. I didn't want to take the post in that direction!

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  9. Destinee Hooker was an Olympic volleyball player--I always figured she got there by being determined NOT to live up to her "destiny." ~ Leslie

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    1. Thanks, Leslie. For some reason I think you would have been a big help finding some other names for me. I omitted a few that were based on the short name for Richard (there are more Dick Heads out there than you could imagine), and some other body parts, but just didn't want to go that way. This is a family blog, you know!

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  10. How about this Portuguese guy in Hawaii, Mr. Silva. He named his three sons Quick, Hi-ho, and Sterling.
    It's true.
    Always fun to read your blog, John!
    Cheers,
    --Valeria

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    1. Thanks, Valeria. I didn't know about the Silvas - I definitely would have included them. Hope to see you at Morningside soon.

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  11. Hi Camels! Thanks for the blog, smiles and laugh. Always good therapy!

    I also get peeved with parents who choose names that confuse whether their kids are boys or girls....."Marion" comes to mind. And what's the story about "Shawn" and "Sean?" English is already convoluted enough!

    Thanks again. Go Kappa Phi!!
    Jim Rij

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    1. Thanks, Jim. I hope you become a regular visitor. You've made me remember the sexually unidentifiable Pat from Saturday Night Live.

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